Episode Transcript
[00:00:05] Speaker A: Hello and welcome to the solopreneur Sisterhood podcast. A podcast designed to help heart centered service providers like you build a purposeful, profitable and sustainable business that supports what matters most to you. I'm your host, Becky McCleary and I am so grateful that you are here.
[00:00:23] Speaker B: Today we are talking with Krista Resnik. Krista is a master life coach, certified yoga instructor and meditation teacher. Her expertise offers mind body approaches for midlife women who feel stuck in their next chapter of life. Her services are shared through the lens of the nervous system. And together with her clients, they take small steps to build simple rituals that create a better life. A life with rest, ease and intention at the center. Done with consistency and devotion, these practices allow you to embody your power, potential and purpose in the second chapter of life.
Welcome, Krista.
[00:01:04] Speaker C: I am so excited to talk with you today and I'm grateful that you are here. And before we get started, I would just love to hear more about your story. So I'm wondering if you can tell us more about the work you do and how you found your way to this work.
[00:01:20] Speaker D: Well, I am honored to be here, Becky. It's always such a treat to spend any time I can get with you. Thank you.
I could give you a glossy. I took this certification and then that led me here. And type answer. But in true authenticity, in true honesty. It's been many, many years, decades of living in my frenetic energy, my own angst, my own unclarity, and my own overwhelm and anxiety that actually got me to this very conversation at this very moment.
I have done a lot of different healing work. Some modalities have been very potent and powerful, some not quite as much. But every single one was a piece of my journey to really help me heal and still heal from all of the hurts, the wounds, the trauma, however you want to frame it up from my past.
So that's kind of the deep down and dirty answer.
Was there two parts to your question? I can't remember the second part.
[00:02:42] Speaker B: Do you want to just tell us.
[00:02:43] Speaker C: More about what does the work you do? What does that look like right now?
[00:02:47] Speaker D: Okay, what does the work look like right now? Yes. What the work really looks like right now is. Is slowing down. And that might not seem super sexy.
And I think it's some of the most rich and potent work because we live in a culture that praises and pats you on the back for running on empty, for moving through the world in this fragmented mind, committing and rushing and constantly having to check things off on Our to do list.
And so my work right now is really helping women who have tried to hold it all, do it all, be it all, have it all to rest. And I'm not necessarily talking about lying down. I do teach yoga nidra meditation, which is a beautiful form of lying down and resting. It's deep, it's profound, it's potent, and I love it. And not everybody is, if you want to say, maybe there yet. You know, I couldn't have done yoga nidra meditation probably even three years ago.
I wasn't there yet. Now, for some people, the first time they lay down, they absolutely fall in love with it. Everybody comes in at a different pace, speed, rhythm level, however you want to define that. So yoga nidra is one of the methods that I teach. But what I really am talking about when I'm talking about resting is I'm talking about coming home to your body.
Anytime you are able to pause and just rest in notice, name, what's going on, Take a breath, pause, reflect, and really, again, just come home to the body. Work with your nervous system. That's what I'm talking about when I'm speaking about rest. So that's the work that I'm really passionate about. It's really working with the nervous system. It's working with the body. I am someone who lived in my head for probably, I would say, 45, 46 years.
You know, I had this really strong belief that I wasn't smart and that I wasn't capable. And so I fought hard to prove that I could run with the other kids and that I could be a part of things. And that I look, I have all these certifications, I have all these credentials. Look at how hard I'm working. Look at how much I know. Let me tell you how much I know. Hey, hey, Becky. Do you know how much I know? Aren't I smart? I wasn't saying these things, things consciously, but this was all what was continuing to push me underneath the surface. And so what was happening is I was constantly living in that frenzy, chaotic, urgent type energy.
So for me personally, I did thought work and mindset work for years. And I'm here to tell you, it didn't move the needle very far. It was great in a lot of ways, and it definitely was sort of a step in where I am now.
But when I started to work with the body, when I started to work with the nervous system, that was when I was finally able to start to notice, hey, this is what it feels like when urgency lives in my body, when there's something going on that's driving me to feel activated, to feel like I'm in that fight or flight mode.
So that was a long winded answer to your question. I hope that explains a little bit about where I'm at today and the services that I'm offering to the ones who feel called to this work.
[00:07:06] Speaker C: Yes, I love that so much. So first with your story, I think, well, maybe it's just me. I've always felt like I needed to know exactly what I was doing, and if I didn't know what I was doing or that part of the plan didn't work out, I was failing. And it's only in this stage of my life where I can see, oh, all those times that I thought I was failing, that taught me something that got me to where I am today. And so I think, you know, it was almost a gift that it did happen because I wouldn't be where I am today without it. And I love hearing your story and about how you found your way into this.
I also personally love hearing that like, this. Rest isn't natural for you. It's not like how you've always been. Because as someone, myself, I can very much relate to, you know, just feeling like you have to be on. Feeling like you have to be doing all the time over giving, over committing, just always pushing, always striving. Yeah. I know you and I have had a number of conversations, and you've really helped me to. To realize, like, you need to nourish yourself and not just be pushing constantly. So I'm really excited that everyone gets to learn from you today.
[00:08:22] Speaker D: Thank you.
[00:08:24] Speaker C: So for our listeners, we have worked together for a couple years now.
[00:08:30] Speaker D: Couple of years at least. Yeah.
[00:08:31] Speaker C: And we've become friends along the way. And one of the things that you have helped me to learn is this power of rest.
I am one where I feel like too often I feel like I have to earn rest, if that makes sense. And I feel guilty about doing it. And then I get to that point of just burning out. So I'm wondering if you can talk to us more about why you think so many of us struggle with rest and how we might begin if this is a new idea for us.
[00:09:04] Speaker D: What a great question, Becky. I think there's definitely a couple different paths we could go down with this question.
One of them is I would really encourage listeners to start to unpack what their rest baggage is. What did you learn about rest? What was modeled for you in your home growing up in terms of self care, tending to Yourself, nourishing your needs and taking time to rest. I am currently watching this unfold right now with my folks, as you know, because we're friends. My dad had a series of heart attacks.
It was, gosh, has it been a year, something like that? Year, year and a half ago.
And as a result he's been a diabetic for, oh my goodness, 40 years.
And so because of all of his complications, they couldn't do a stent.
And so basically he's got a heart that works at about 30%. Obviously he tires very, very easily and he's so frustrated and he's so angry and he hates rest. He absolutely loathes it. And that's because of that entanglement with self wor coming from how much I can produce and perform. And of course that comes from his childhood of feeling like all he was really capable of was showing people how he could work hard. He was going to prove himself through his work. Now again, he's never said that out loud, but you can just see it. And again, I mean I've asked him several times throughout the past year, year and a half, dad, how is it to rest? What's coming up for you? And he's just angry and he's frustrated and of course that then produces a lot of anxiety.
So really unpacking those stories of rest, I think we learned through stories. So is it okay if I share another one? Of course, yes, I really think we learned. I could sit here and tell you things that I've learned in my trainings and whatever all day, but really it's the stories that kind of drive the points home. I talk about this one often.
We were driving down Main street umpteen years ago, was forever ago, and my dad was in the passenger seat, I was driving and there was a gentleman out. Let's just say it was a Tuesday. I remember it was during the work week. So let's say it's Tuesday. Okay, let's say it was about 1:00 in the afternoon. And my dad goes, he looks out the window, he says, what? What in the world do you think he's doing? What? What is he doing?
He couldn't fathom that somebody wasn't at work, that they were out on a Tuesday at 1 or 1:30 in the afternoon, tending to themselves, thinking about their own self care, prioritizing their health and wellbeing that was so unimaginable to my dad. So I'm sharing that because that's a taste of what was modeled for me.
So again, looking Back to what are some of the stories that I picked up? What was self care, rest, nourishment? What was really modeled for me in my home? That's a really, really great place to start. And again, don't rush through that process. Really take some time to unpack and really get to know and sit with those stories of what was modeled for you and what you really believe about rest.
The second path I think we could play with a little bit here. Becky and I love this conversation so much because you mentioned guilt.
And I don't know that I've worked with one woman or talked to really probably any women who don't feel guilty when it comes to this conversation of self care, self nourishment, rest.
And again, I want to put the break on, just pause for a little bit because it's really easy to say, well, I just feel guilty and I understand what's happening there. We haven't been taught how to have these more deep, nuanced conversations.
Guilt is actually a really beautiful thing. And I know listeners when they just heard that are probably scratching their head and going, this lady's kooky. Are you kidding me? I hate guilt.
But what's really happening is, well, first of all, we have to understand what guilt is.
Guilt is designed. It's actually not a feeling or an emotion, it's a thought.
And what guilt does is it taps us on the shoulder and gives us the opportunity to reroute our behavior.
So right now I'm starting to experience some perimenopause symptoms. And there's days that I'm not always real. Well, I'm not, I'm not operating at full capacity, shall we say. I'm getting up in the, in the middle of the night, actually, to be quite frank. And so a lot of days I'm tired or I'm feeling a little edgy. And so with that all in mind, those days I can be a little short, little quick tempered. So if my husband says something to me that sort of puts me in that activation mode where I'm already. Something's already simmering a little bit because let's face it, I didn't get a lot of sleep the night before. And now he said something to me that just, you know, sets me right off and I tear into him, that guilt is going to be there lovingly tapping me on the shoulder to say, hey, turn around, reroute your behavior. That was not acceptable. That is not who you want to be in the world. That is not what you aspire to. You aspire to be a devoted and loving partner, not what you just unleash. Now, I'm not saying that we can't enter into a conversation regarding maybe what happened. You know, maybe he said something a little critical that triggered me. Maybe he didn't. Maybe he just said something and I was in a bad mood and just being a jerk. Right. So there's opportunity. Then when we reroute our behavior, we go back to hubby, partner, friend, mom, cousin, whomever we're speaking about, and we say, hey, you know, I'm really sorry.
I am feeling really depleted.
I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. I'm really struggling right now to feel rested, and I didn't mean to unleash on you. And then we have an opportunity to kind of repair and talk about things. So it's not that we're feeling guilty per se, it's that we're feeling something else we're feeling. Usually it's uncomfortable. And so I want to just say, let's name what it really actually is. Because when we're willing to name. I'm feeling discomfort over setting this boundary that I know I need to set. I'm feeling angst, I'm feeling depleted. I'm feeling whatever it is.
Now we've got a more true, honest, authentic conversation that we can actually do something with rather than just say, well, I feel guilty, and then move about our day.
[00:17:07] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:17:07] Speaker D: Does that make sense?
[00:17:08] Speaker C: Yeah, that really does. Yeah. That was helpful. Thank you.
[00:17:13] Speaker D: Yeah. Because when we're.
When we identify how we're feeling, we can also then identify what it is we need.
So if I'm feeling depleted, there's an unmet need going on there. Okay, I'm feeling depleted. What do I need? I actually, like, legit need some sleep, or I'm feeling. Feeling agitated. What do I need? I need to go in the backyard and I need to plant my feet in the grass, and I need to just ground and breathe for a moment, or I need to put on my playlist on Spotify, and I need to shake it out for a minute because I'm having a really hard moment. Day, morning, whatever. And I need to just dance it out and get rid of some of this foul energy. So really identifying, you know, noticing and naming what we're feeling can lead us into this deeper nourishment of meeting our own needs and then also sometimes asking for our needs to be met outside of ourselves.
[00:18:31] Speaker C: Love that. And so I think. So this brings me to my next question, because I can definitely relate to Living most of my life in my head and not really being present in my body. And so I think as far as even tuning in to our own needs or how we're feeling, I think that that can feel almost foreign to a number of us because we're not used to going, going there. We're, we're used to, you know, figuring everything out mentally and not, you know, and I, I can relate to like reading all of the, the self help books and doing the mindset work and, and still having it not really make a difference. And so part of what I love about what you do and what I've learned from you is bringing the body together with the mind. And so I'm wondering if you have any beginning recommendations or someone who is listening and thinking, okay, I need this, but I don't even know where to start.
Do you have any recommendations?
[00:19:36] Speaker D: Yeah, I love that. And so I think one of the best places that we can start, I mean, I so get what you're saying, Becky. I remember when my first somatic coach that I work with asked me what I was feeling like my heartbeat.
What are you talking about? I mean, it really. I was living in such a frozen state, actually because of a lot of my own childhood wounding, that it was a struggle for me to feel. I was so armored, I was so protected.
And it's taken a lot of deliberation, a lot of intentionally slowing down and just being with, you know, these parts of myself that are screaming and asking for attention. So with that being said, we can do well, there's a couple of different tools I could offer here, but let's, let's simplify because less is more, right? So one of the things we want to really start with is just noticing and naming.
We can't do anything about what we're not noticing. Right?
We just can't. You know, sometimes in the personal growth world, there's that whole name it to tame it, I think, feel it to heal it.
And that's true. We have to start kind of tracking and noticing what's happening in our body. So just taking a moment to check in with yourself. This happened to me yesterday. I was at Walmart and had my list all organized.
Now keep in mind, Becky, you know this about me. I have no kids at home right now.
It's just me and my husband and the two bulldogs.
So my husband was out of town. I decided I was going to go out to Walmart and I'm meandering around the aisles. I really have nowhere else to be or nothing to Do. I had the whole afternoon free, and all of a sudden, just this urgency and this rush and this frenetic energy came over me.
Now, several years ago, I probably wouldn't have caught it, but as I'm sort of, you know, navigating the aisles, I ignored it for a little bit. And then I went, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Right? Like, you gotta practice what you preach here. And so I started to notice the clenching of my jaw, holding my breath. I'm a huge breath holder. And then I'm also really starting to notice the clenching of, like, my thighs and my buttocks and my legs. And what that's really signifying for me is sort of that getting ready to, like, I gotta get ready to do something. I gotta get ready to, like, take action, run, or make sure that I'm okay or make sure that you're okay or whatever's happening. So slowing down and just noticing I'm holding my breath, there goes the tightening of the thighs again. I'm clenching my butt, I'm clenching my jaw, my shoulders are up towards my ears.
Whatever it is for you, it's just starting to track and notice what's happening in your body. And if you really want to break it down and make it super simple, just start tracking what's happening with your breath. You know, don't even worry. Maybe for starters, what's happening with your body and your emotions and all the. Just. Just focus on your breath. Well, there I am holding my breath again.
Okay. Oh, we're going to notice it, and we're going to name it again. We're noticing that we're holding the breath. Let's just play with that for a moment. Then we're going to start to name it.
Do I feel relaxed? Clearly, if you're holding your breath, you're not.
But do I feel constricted? Do I feel curious? Do I feel agitated? Just starting to play with some of these different names so that you're starting to build sort of this emotional vocabulary. Now you can actually play with this. And I would encourage listeners to play with this. This is actually right out of the gate, something every one of my clients gets assigned is to play with this when you're not activated.
What's going to happen when you're activated is your prefrontal cortex, that thinking part, that rational part of your brain is gone. So you're not going to remember, oh, that lady on that podcast said that I like, it's going to be like 30 miles behind you. So what you want to start doing is start Noticing and naming when life's kind of okay or good. So you might say, well, I'm noticing I am feeling relaxed. I'm noticing that I'm feeling curious. I'm noticing my breath is, well, gosh, it's really deep and it's really easy to breathe right now versus that short and shallow breath.
Maybe you're noticing that you're feeling energetic or playful or again, stressed, anxious, even in that fight or flight mode.
Again, noticing and naming are the places that we want to start because we can't do anything if we don't notice.
And the naming part is helping us to really build that deeper emotional vocabulary that, let's be honest, most of us never got. We weren't taught, it wasn't modeled. And then from there, we can start to acknowledge how, how we're sort of reacting to our current state.
Now, this is a big one. This is something that I do still with myself and with every client that I serve. I'm actually working with a client I just met with her, gosh, I think it was two days ago.
And there is such judgment and criticism and harshness towards these part of her selves that feel overwhelmed and frenetic and urgent and overwhelmed. And so we're learning how to meet these parts of herself. I met that part of myself yesterday in Walmart that was anxious. Simply acknowledge it and notice that it's there and give it some attention and give it some love. And, you know, in the middle of the Walmart aisle, it's not like I'm going to sit and, you know, lay down on the floor and do anything about it. But even just maybe taking a moment to put a hand on my heart and say, okay, anxiety, I see you, and I will deal with you a little bit later when we get home.
That can soften it, because when we're in the middle of a board meeting, it's not always appropriate to be. Excuse me, everybody stop. Pause. I'm having an anxious moment.
So just acknowledging it will help it to sort of soften. Because think about, like, Becky, you've got three kids, too.
Remember back to when your kids were little and they were pulling on your pant like, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy. They're just going to get louder. And as you know, it always happens when we pick up the darn phone, mom, mom, mommy, mommy. And if you ignore them, they just get louder rather than, sweetheart, I'm on the phone. I just need about three more minutes. I'm going to set a timer and then we'll talk about and usually they'll just walk away. Right? That's the same thing that we're kind of doing here, but with ourselves and our own feelings and emotions.
And then the last thing that we can do is we can really get curious whether we do it on the spot or we do it later if the time wasn't appropriate. About what is my nervous system really starting to.
What's it trying to communicate with me right now? Like what, what does it need at this moment now? Yesterday, obviously again in Walmart, it was not appropriate for me to be like pulling out my Spotify playlist and doing a dance party in the middle of the Walmart aisle or laying down or whatever. So once I got home and I got everything unpacked, I put on my playlist and I just sort of danced it out, me and the bulldogs in the kitchen, because I had a lot of that built up, frenetic, anxious energy in system and laying down wasn't going to really do much for me. It needed to get out of my body. Anxiety in particular is an energy that wants to move.
And so I have a playlist that is always right there in handy. Hit that playlist. And I just danced like nobody was watching around my kitchen until I started to feel things shift. So if we get curious, we give ourselves the opportunity to go, okay, what does my nervous system need? How can I really nourish myself? Sometimes it's just our own self touch, you know, it's just a hug. Sometimes it's hand on heart, hand on belly and just a few deep breaths. Sometimes it's a nice beautiful bath. Sometimes it's getting our sneakers on and going out in nature. Sometimes it's taking our shoes off and grounding in the earth. I mean, there could be a lot of different tools and techniques we can use, but you get to kind of build your resource list, your toolkit based on what your nervous system says it needs in the moment.
[00:30:22] Speaker C: Love that. Thank you so much. I will say that has been one of the many things you have taught me over the years is to pay attention to how I am feeling and to be asking myself, okay, what do I need right now? Because I will say for a very long time I just kept like, I don't even have time to think about that. I just have to keep going. And it has made a huge difference in just how I experience each day. If, you know, if I need a little more time to rest, that helps. Or if it's like, you know what I do really need to get Outside. And one of the nice things with the work we do is the flexibility in our schedules and giving myself permission to do that.
Yeah. So I want to thank you so much because that has made a huge difference in my life. And I know this will help so many listeners, too.
[00:31:10] Speaker D: So I'm so glad. I'm so glad. And, you know, I think on that note, Becky, sometimes we don't always know what we need to. And so I really want listeners to hear me say, there's no shame in that. We're going to leave judgment at the door. We're just going to enter this energy of enchantment and we're going to try things. There's been many times I've gone out for a walk and my anxiety has not really lessened all that much. Now, did it maybe move from a 9 to a 7.8? Yes.
But sometimes we don't always know what we need. So it's like, okay, I tried the walk. That didn't really seem all that helpful because on the walk, I was literally thinking about 10 million reasons why that person ticked me off. So then we might need to grab a different tool. Like pushing into a wall or shaking it out or dancing or strength training is another great way to get into your body and just move some energy. So be willing again to bring in that curiosity that I've kind of been using the word lately, Enchantment, like, give yourself permission to play with some of these tools and practices. You can't get it wrong.
[00:32:19] Speaker C: I love that. Thank you.
Such a wonderful way to look at it, too.
So it's been wonderful learning from you today, and I want to be mindful of everyone's time. So I know some listeners are going to be thinking, okay, I want to learn more. So can you tell us more about how listeners can connect with you?
[00:32:38] Speaker D: Yeah, I would love to connect with any listeners who want to learn more about the body and how to connect that with mind and work with the nervous system. So I think really the best way is to connect with me on my website.
From there, you can find me on Instagram and Facebook and then you're always welcome to DM me in any of those places, and I'd be happy to have a further conversation.
[00:33:06] Speaker C: Wonderful. Thank you so much. And we will have the link to your website and social media on the show notes for the episode. So those are easy to find. So just want to thank you again so much, Krista. It's been wonderful talking with you today.
[00:33:18] Speaker D: Thank you. Becky.
[00:33:20] Speaker A: Thank you so much for joining us. And listening to the solopreneur Sisterhood podcast. I hope this episode has offered you some encouragement, some insight and some new ideas to support you in building building a business that works for you. Remember that our world needs you, your gifts, your vision and your work.
[00:33:37] Speaker C: And I'm cheering you on as you.
[00:33:39] Speaker A: Bring your vision to life and build a purposeful, profitable and sustainable business that supports what matters most to.
